It’s been just over 5 weeks now.
I’ve spoken to him a lot and I went to see him on his
Birthday. We slept together. I worried this would take me back to square one
(couldn’t help myself, though) but actually… I felt OK!
During break ups in the past, I’ve always wanted him back.
The anxiety and sickness never left me. We broke up for 3 months in the Summer
of 2008 and I went through every single day feeling sick with anxiety. This
time, however, it lasted a week. 1 whole week… that was it. I can’t believe
just how quickly I’ve accepted it after going through months of being miserable
and thinking “I can’t leave him, I won’t cope on my own”
There is a life out there. I am beginning to see it. It’s
hard sometimes when I’m on my own with nothing to do. Night time is hard
sometimes and weekend days if I have no plans. I find myself wondering where he
is, what he is doing and what we would normally be doing if we were together.
My friends have been amazing and I have had a couple of
really great weekends out with them. It has helped me so much having people
around me. I’m glad I’ve thrown myself into everything and kept busy.
As a result of one of my crazy weekends, I’ve begun to start
planning a trip to Australia this Autumn.
I still love him. A part of me always will, but now I
realise just how unhappy I was after what he did to me. I wouldn’t have been
able to have done half the things I have in the past 5 weeks if I had of stayed
with him, and that makes me sad.
I still worry about money and worry about the future, but
slowly I think I’m learning that you need to take each day as it comes and for
most people life doesn’t go to plan. You just have to make the best of every
situation and remember that when one door closes another one is opening.
